TACO STAND EXCLUSIVE – SCHEINDER’S MOTIVATION
Welcome to the Taco Stand, a tongue-in-shell look at the Blue Jays, Baseball, and other topics I tangentially connect to the two. In this special edition we get an exclusive look into Blue Jays Manager John Schneider’s new motivational technique!
Today we are truly blessed to have John Schneider stop by the Soggy Studio to unveil a new method he thought up to really get the boys ready to win. Without further ado, let’s get right to it.
Taco: John, first of all, thanks for stopping by!
John Schneider: Thanks, Taco; I’m positively soaked to be here.
T: You must be really happy to get off the Schneid with that win in Philly.
JS: …
T: Ha ha ha, I get it. You’re a busy guy, so let’s cut to the chase. Now, I’m a huge proponent of thinking outside the bun, but how did you devise a unique way to motivate the team?
JS: Well, with Donnie running the team while the cameras are off, I found myself with a bunch of free time. So one day while I was watching Major Lea-, I mean doing some Major League film study, I saw a technique legendary manager Lou Brown was using with Cleveland that I just had to try.
T: Wait a second, John. I’m pretty sure Lou Brown was just a character played by James Gammon.
JS: I’m not sure why he’d change his name, but yeah, Lou was quite the character.
T: No, John, I mean he was in a mo-
JS: Anyway, I’m not sure who started it but there’s been a rumour swirling around 1 Blue Jays Way that Ed(ward Rogers) and Mel(inda Rogers) instructed Mark (Shapiro) and Ross (Atkins) to tank the team so they could move it to Winnipeg. Well, when you’re blessed with two such gorgeous chairs (of the board, Rogers) like we are, I just knew I had to try something.
T: Hang on, move the team to Winnipeg?!?
JS: I’m sure there’s nothing to that. They don’t even have an airport in Winnipeg. Anyway, I took a couple of photos I keep in my desk drawer over to Staples and had them make up a couple of life-sized cutouts for me. Then all it took was my trusty safety scissors and some leftover Spider Tack and we were in business.
T: So what your saying is that you took your new motivational technique from a movie made in the late 80’s?
JS: It’s a documentary chronicling how a genius manager took his struggling team to the postseason. But yeah, I may have borrowed a few things from it. I did tweak it a little. My cutout includes two people, not just one, both our beautiful chair and alluring vice-chair. And every time we win a game, we pull off a strip. When we win enough to make it to October, *wolf whistles*.
T: Whoa, John. I don’t think you can do that sort of thing in 2024.
JS: What, whistle? That’s weird. Why wouldn’t you be able to whistle in 2024?
T: No…well, yes, but no…you know what, never mind. Alright, let’s see it then. Your current record should be fully covered and okay to show here.
T: Well, precocious Banterers, what do you think about John’s latest attempt to motivate our boys? And John, I want to thank you for sopping by the Soggy Studio. It’s been quite, erm, enlightening to get a glimpse into your process.
JS: Thanks, Taco. It’s been great being here.
T: John, why are you looking at me like that?
JS: I’m sorry. It’s just that I skipped lunch. Tacos are kind of like hot dogs, but superior.
T: No, JOHN! GET AWAY FR-
It should go without saying, but this is satire. John Schneider did not stop by the Soggy Studio, nor did he eat me… It was actually DeMarlo Hale.