TACO STAND – TOP 5 BASEBALL JOKES
Welcome to the Taco Stand, a tongue-in-shell look at the Blue Jays, Baseball, and other topics I tangentially connect to the two. In this edition I decided that we all could use a little levity and present the Top 5 Baseball Jokes.
To say that our beloved ball club is balancing on the brink of a breakdown would be an understatement. In times like these, we all could use a chuckle. Here are some baseball-related jokes courtesy of Baseball Almenac. Ranked, of course, because that’s what I seem to do.
5:
A doctor at an insane asylum decided to take his patients to a baseball game.
For weeks in advance, he coached his patients to respond to his commands.
When the day of the game arrived, everything seemed to be going well. As the National Anthem started…….the doctor yelled, “Up Nuts” And the patients complied by standing up.
After the anthem …he yelled, “Down Nuts”. And they all sat back down in their seats.
After a home run was hit, the doctor yelled, “Cheer Nuts”. They all brokeout into applause and cheered.
When the umpire made a particularly bad call against the star of the home team, the Doctor yelled, “Booooo Nuts!!!” and they all started booing and catcalling.
Thinking things were going very well. The doctor decided to go get a beer and a hot dog, leaving his assistant in charge.
When he returned, there was a riot in progress. Finding his assistant, the doctor asked,” What in the world happened? “
The assistant replied, “Well, everything was going just fine till a vendor passed by and yelled PEANUTS!”
4:
Two old men had been best friends for years, and they both live to their early 90’s, when one of them suddenly falls deathly ill. His friend comes to visit him on his deathbed, and they’re reminiscing about their long friendship when the dying man’s friend asks, “Listen, when you die, do me a favour. I want to know if there’s baseball in heaven.”
The dying man said, “We’ve been friends for years. This I’ll do for you.” And then he dies.
A couple days later, his surviving friend is sleeping when he hears his friend’s voice. The voice says, “I’ve got some good news and some bad news. The good news is that there’s baseball in heaven.”
“What’s the bad news?”
“You’re pitching on Wednesday.”
3:
A man walks into a bar with a dog. The bartender says, “You can’t bring that dog in here.”
“You don’t understand,” says the man. “This is no regular dog, he can talk.”
“Listen, pal,” says the bartender. “If that dog can talk, I’ll give you a hundred bucks.”
The man puts the dog on a stool, and asks him, “What’s on top of a house?”
“Roof!”
“Right. And what’s on the outside of a tree?”
“Bark!”
“And who’s the greatest baseball player of all time?”
“Ruth!”
“I guess you’ve heard enough,” says the man. “I’ll take the hundred in twenties.”
The bartender is furious. “Listen, pal,” he says, “get out of here before I belt you.”
As soon as they’re on the street, the dog turns to the man and says, “Do you think I should have said ‘DiMaggio’?”
2:
One Day the Devil challenged the Lord to a baseball game.
Smiling the Lord proclaimed, “You don’t have a chance, I have Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, and all the greatest players up here”.
“Yes”, snickered the devil, “but I have all the umpires.”
1:
Well, beleaguered Banterers, I hope you got a laugh out of this. I’m sure you could use one. Please share any jokes, baseball-related or otherwise, in the comments below. And also please respect our community guidelines while doing so.